The Death of an Adventure

It was Monday morning, October 7th, 2019 when my creative life changed. I remember the date because it was the day before my twin’s birthday—and because of that I was able to hold back the heaviness in my chest for 48 hours before a dark wave of sadness came rushing in.

You see, that is the day that made me feel like a complete failure.

Not true, in hindsight, but I’m a girl who lets emotion take over and enjoy a good self-pity party. And hey, what I’m about to share does not warrant such drama, but maybe you’ll understand what I felt once I whine, I mean, explain my thought process. Or maybe you won’t understand at all, but we’re all entitled to feel how we feel and it’s real whether others agree or not.

On that Monday morning, I had a conversation with my friend and co-host, Raymond Esposito. A conversation in which our podcast Wit Without Wisdom met its death.

Done.
Nada.
Gone.
DEAD.

Now, I didn’t know it then, but apparently this podcast meant a whole lot more to me than I thought. The past few years I thought I was doing it because it was “so much fun” to do, and because it was something my friend Raymond wanted to do. It’s what friends do, right? Support each other and do a podcast with them . . . because why not?

For weeks I felt this heaviness in my chest because, for me, it meant I was a total failure.

How? Why?

Good questions. I realized then that I hadn’t completed a single book in the time I’ve been podcasting because I’d been feeling creatively fulfilled. Not fully, mind you, but enough that I didn’t have the yearn inside my heart to explore all the creativity flowing through my veins. I was satisfied.

When asked, “How’s your book coming along?”
I could say, “It’s coming slowly, I’ve been busy being a mom, with work, and podcasting.”

Clearly, podcasting covered the “why no books” and now that was taken away from me. The words sound harsh, but that was how I felt. And I was surprised to feel it, because again, I thought I was only doing it for my friend and it’s fun.

On that day, I realized I’d have nothing to show for myself. Nothing to show for my past few years . . . when January 1st comes around, it will all be gone. Proof of my creativeness in the past few years disappearing. Therefore I did nothing.

My ONLY creative thing in the past few years. Gone.

So, random person asks, “Where are your books? What have you been doing?”
And I say, “They’re nowhere because I’ve been pod—nah, there’s no proof of that so I’ve been doing nothing. But the kids are growing and stuff . . . I mean, I made them . . . creatively, sort of, so there’s that.

Dramatic? Yes, but heart-crushing just the same. No one stopped me from finishing my books. Actually, the fact that I didn’t because I was happy in my life overall is pretty much the best reason to not have written. Although, that’s another post.

But I did enjoy using my free time coming up with topics, researching, and writing our scripts for the show. Which is another reason my blog posts have also suffered. Most topics I liked, I ended up saving them for “an episode.” So much of my life was dedicated to Wit Without Wisdom, how can I possibly feel differently? It’s now gone, and his reasons for ending it is personal, life changes and all. I can still support my friend in his decision and feel sad at the same time, right?

Either way, here I am almost two months later and finally sharing this news. Not that anyone who I’m closed to in my life noticed anyway, so that’s extra sad lol.

On that note, I’d like to share some of my favorite episodes . . . I think they’ll all go offline in a few weeks, so hurry up if you wanna listen.

And there’s so much more, without counting The Writers’ Podcast which also died over a year ago, but feel free to browse around . . . or not . . .

Now . . . I say goodbye to Wit Without Wisdom . . .

It is the end of an era.

 

4 thoughts on “The Death of an Adventure”

  1. All adventures end, but enjoying the ride is what’s important.

    So you may not have published while podcasting. Come sit over in the “Flawed but Fun” section with the rest of us humans trying to figure it all out. We have adult beverages! 😄🍸🍸

    Your podcasts were informative and inspiring. Good author-to-author information delivered in a “we’re all in this together” manner. They were also ENCOURAGING, especially for new indie authors. When everyone is trying to tell you HOW to write, or is willing to TEACH you “how to become a best-selling author” for the modest sum of 750 gazillion dollars (you’ll make it back on your first book – guaranteed!) Writers After Dark podcasts delivered writing advice and tips gleaned from your own experiences in a low-stress, comfortable atmosphere. I’m sure I wasn’t the only struggling writer you helped.

    I missed quite a few podcasts after losing my husband and am sorry they’ll be removed soon. However, I will try to listen to as many as possible before that happens.

    Many thanks to you and Ray, SK, and continued success to you both. 😊💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ll definitely take that adult beverage! *Cheers* 😀

      Thank you for your kind words, Felicia! It was fun to do the podcasts and at this point, we just cancelled the hosting, but it seems that some of the episodes might stay up, we’re not sure yet. On an more important note, I’m sorry about your husband. Big, big hugs. ❤

      Like

  2. I’m so sad that the podcast is officially ended. I really thought you’d be back after a hiatus. That said, you need to put yourselves first, and we can all enjoy the serious advice, the silly advice, and the general mayhem that the podcasts brought into our lives. I’d love it if you’d be able to keep them online so we would always have access, but understand if that’s not possible. In the meantime, big hugs to you!! I’m off to binge-listen.

    Like

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