It was Monday morning, October 7th, 2019 when my creative life changed. I remember the date because it was the day before my twin’s birthday—and because of that I was able to hold back the heaviness in my chest for 48 hours before a dark wave of sadness came rushing in.
You see, that is the day that made me feel like a complete failure.
Not true, in hindsight, but I’m a girl who lets emotion take over and enjoy a good self-pity party. And hey, what I’m about to share does not warrant such drama, but maybe you’ll understand what I felt once I whine, I mean, explain my thought process. Or maybe you won’t understand at all, but we’re all entitled to feel how we feel and it’s real whether others agree or not.
On that Monday morning, I had a conversation with my friend and co-host, Raymond Esposito. A conversation in which our podcast Wit Without Wisdom met its death.
Now, I didn’t know it then, but apparently this podcast meant a whole lot more to me than I thought. The past few years I thought I was doing it because it was “so much fun” to do, and because it was something my friend Raymond wanted to do. It’s what friends do, right? Support each other and do a podcast with them . . . because why not?
For weeks I felt this heaviness in my chest because, for me, it meant I was a total failure.
Good questions. I realized then that I hadn’t completed a single book in the time I’ve been podcasting because I’d been feeling creatively fulfilled. Not fully, mind you, but enough that I didn’t have the yearn inside my heart to explore all the creativity flowing through my veins. I was satisfied.
When asked, “How’s your book coming along?”
I could say, “It’s coming slowly, I’ve been busy being a mom, with work, and podcasting.”
Clearly, podcasting covered the “why no books” and now that was taken away from me. The words sound harsh, but that was how I felt. And I was surprised to feel it, because again, I thought I was only doing it for my friend and it’s fun.
On that day, I realized I’d have nothing to show for myself. Nothing to show for my past few years . . . when January 1st comes around, it will all be gone. Proof of my creativeness in the past few years disappearing. Therefore I did nothing.
My ONLY creative thing in the past few years. Gone.
So, random person asks, “Where are your books? What have you been doing?”
And I say, “They’re nowhere because I’ve been pod—nah, there’s no proof of that so I’ve been doing nothing. But the kids are growing and stuff . . . I mean, I made them . . . creatively, sort of, so there’s that.”
Dramatic? Yes, but heart-crushing just the same. No one stopped me from finishing my books. Actually, the fact that I didn’t because I was happy in my life overall is pretty much the best reason to not have written. Although, that’s another post.
But I did enjoy using my free time coming up with topics, researching, and writing our scripts for the show. Which is another reason my blog posts have also suffered. Most topics I liked, I ended up saving them for “an episode.” So much of my life was dedicated to Wit Without Wisdom, how can I possibly feel differently? It’s now gone, and his reasons for ending it is personal, life changes and all. I can still support my friend in his decision and feel sad at the same time, right?
Either way, here I am almost two months later and finally sharing this news. Not that anyone who I’m closed to in my life noticed anyway, so that’s extra sad lol.
On that note, I’d like to share some of my favorite episodes . . . I think they’ll all go offline in a few weeks, so hurry up if you wanna listen.
- Today’s Top Conspiracy Theories
- The Myths and Facts About Introverts and Extroverts
- Slangs that are Cool AF
- Incredible Facts About Alcohol
- Improve Your Social Life with Life Hacks
- The New Perception of Political Correctness
- Disgust: The Culture of Gross
- Is a Hot Dog a Sandwich? The Perception of Words
- Amazing Facts that Sound Completely Fake
- Marriage Advice from the 1950’s – Was it Completely Wrong?
- Why Success Stories are Mostly B.S.
- Insane TV Commercials and Why They Work
- Easter & Halloween Birthday Special
And there’s so much more, without counting The Writers’ Podcast which also died over a year ago, but feel free to browse around . . . or not . . .
Now . . . I say goodbye to Wit Without Wisdom . . .
It is the end of an era.